Hoobastank - The First Of Me.

       
When I entered the public school system for the first time. I was an outcast from the beginning, I was controversial and broke the mold. I was kind-hearted and warm, but also very adimant about my beliefs. I had convictions and a moral standard which I lived by. I valued others. And I valued myself. I had self-esteem and was uneffected by others expectations.

A year later and I begun to realize more and more how offensive people found me to be. My liveliness and unstained joy bothered everyone. They did not like the fact that I had not experienced the rejection and objectification that they had. To some it became a game to see if they could affect the way I viewed life. To see if my world was shakeable. And though they alone did not succeed, through a long chain of events. I slowly grew to an increased amount of cynicism.

They say that the heartless people in this world were once the ones who cared too much. they are correct.

People loved the altered me. The cold, self-sufficient, quiet, non-confrontational Hope. I listened when others debated. I ignored it when people did things that went against what I had believed in. I fit the social organization. But I was not good at fitting molds. There came a point where I embraced the mold completely, and people rejected me because I took their mold to the logical conclusion, and a harsh conclusion it was.

Alone, confused, and frustrated. I decided to take a different approach. I started trying to search for the answers I had once had. I started becoming more and more brazen again. People still did not like me for the most part. But those who did, were under no illusion, they liked me for who I was.

Recently, I went to a place that tried to do that to me again. Tried to have me conform to a societal game where you are putty to their system. They promise approval, and acceptance, but at a cost. I left. I will not become a shell of a being. I will ask questions and state my opinions til' the day I die.
       



                                 



God sees me and says that I am imperfect, but I am lovable and accepted. He will shape me. If I am rejected it is because they reject him.

I would rather be rejected for who I am, than loved for who I am not.