When I was in high-school people found me to be attractive but for the most part people did not want to get involved with me. I was trouble. I would not let people get close. I was bubbly and friendly unless you wanted more than what was on the surface.
When people would want to get close enough to me that I could screw up and hurt them I would simply respond by pushing them away. It made me sad, but I believed that I was doing the right thing. I was someone who did not know how to be a good friend. I did not know what I wanted. I did not know what I needed. I did not have role-models. Or structure.
All I knew was that I was capable of causing incredible amounts of pain to the ones I loved the most. So time and time again I would push people away. After it, this song would start playing in my head. Because I was truly doing them a favor.
But looking back, it fills me with a sense of loss. You trust people by choosing to trust them. You can choose to be trustworthy. In every relationship there is going to be pain. The question is what to do when conflict and pain become part of the picture. Do you let that permanently come between the two of you? Or does confrontation, and forgiveness enter the picture?
It's never about who you were or where you have been. It is about who you are, and who you are becoming. Are you the type of person who is willing to face their demons? Are you willing to apologize when you are wrong? Are you willing to love yourself even though you are imperfect?
Everyone is flawed. But are you going to hide your heart for fear of hurting others and being hurt, or are you going to choose to live knowing that pain can shape you in beautiful ways if you will let it? All gold must go through the fire in order to be purified. Do you want to be gold? Or do you want to be stone?
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